Pushing yourself to be “authentic” is not Authentic at all.
One of my very favorite things to do is coach coaches. Today one explained to me that she needed “to be more unapologetically myself!” She was talking about approaching multiple people about her discomfort in interacting with them. “If they don’t like me that’s just fine!,” she said, newly liberated. But part of her was scared.
What if that scared part of her had its’ own wisdom, just like the part that was longing to “live out loud?” Indeed, we found, it did.
There’s a lot of hype out there about being “authentic” and “in integrity”. The answer to the ache for freedom is to be totally honest all the time, right?
I’m all for honesty! But for many of us, being unapologetically ourselves INCLUDES accepting and even loving that of course we care about what people think of us. What if that’s not a problem but a GLORIOUS part of being human?
I talk a lot about True Adulthood and the sacred journey of embracing being spirit in flesh, i.e. being human. I am an ally for those in the “middle space” between becoming more conscious and full enlightenment. I’d even go so far to say that maybe we popped into bodies because full enlightenment isn’t really what we’re after right now.
Whatever your thoughts on that, I invite you to experiment with the idea that our first task in being Authentic and free is to be our own ally first. Coaching is all about exploring your edges but the most effective coaching I’ve seen does NOT ask you to PUSH them. When we push/over-push our edges, we always get kickback. (#whymostdietsfail)
It’s wonderful to heed the longing for authenticity. AND, if you’re on the quest for the rich dignity (and sustainability) of True Adulthood, I suggest you allow that longing part of yourself to rest in baby steps. Baby steps are for True Adults! Consider that perhaps “integrity” everywhere, all at once, is too much. Integrity requires you to be you.
If you’re dealing with an urge to make a big integrity leap–interpersonally or professionally–consider the mantra “I choose not to overwhelm myself.” That’s self-care 101! Respect that fear signals Wisdom.
In the case of my client, Authenticity invited her to DELIGHT in acknowledging that she likes being liked and that, while she is going to address one interpersonal issue at a time, she authentically wants NOT to confront everyone about everything–and that that doesn’t make her dishonest.
Are there any places in your life where you might be in greater integrity by not pushing so hard? What might a baby step toward true authenticity be? And where can you delight in the Authenticity of claiming who and how you are, present tense, right NOW?!
