If you are a pathological anything, A) I humbly disagree and B) You are cordially invited to share in story-time as we illustrate the…
Six Steps Out. (Please note: story-time is for grown-ups who want to move from knowledge to integration.)
One of my clients was taught by the age of 5 that she was a “pathological liar”. This was, of course, ironically, a lie. But she learned it as her truth and she took it on and she fought it for years (just as we all fight our misunderstood shadows).
Then, through a series of unfortunate events that some would call horrors and others would call initiations, she became brave enough–and wanting enough of freedom–to own it. “I am a pathological liar.”
However, as happens for the fortunate few who are willing and able to own their shadows, she came, over time, to be uncomfortable with the way that shadow had been so pathologized (here, literally).
So came the upgrade. “I’m a compulsive liar.” Being a compulsive liar more accurately explained her experience (driven by the most dear and precious intentions, by the way).
However, as happens for the fortunate few who are willing and able to upgrade the description of their shadows, she came, over time, to be uncomfortable with even an upgraded lie.
The great desire of her original childhood self burst forward–wanting what it had always wanted–truth!–and, now, finally, was safe for it!
We considered that maybe… perhaps… a more accurate description of her experience now is that she sometimes itches to lie. This gave way to the realization that even that may not be true for long. (Which, of course, is quite freeing.)
If we are brave enough to move from fighting our shadows to owning our shadows to questioning our assumptions about our shadows to upgrading our shadows… we are freed. And so are our shadows.
What makes this possible? First, knowing the steps out:
- Fight it.
- Own it.
- Question it.
- Upgrade it geeeeently.
- Mix & Match.
- Repeat ‘til Complete.
Then, to live the process, we generally need some serious Seeing (of our stories, our context, our Truth) by someone–or something (!)–that can handle paradox… not to mention grief.
If you are a pathological anything, A) I disagree and B) that’s because pathology is/was the safest option on the menu for some part of your system. As you live–and share your life with others–you may notice your menu expanding. Fighting your lie won’t work any longer and powerful mantras of opposites won’t either (as those are actually simply a weapon in that same fight).
We have to titrate off the lies we were taught to let in the truth that we Know.
With love for you and all you Know,
Liz W.
