We all have to let go at some point. Ideally, before we die.
For many, parenting seems to catalyze the experience. You can try to control your own life but try to control your teenager’s? Watch out!
For birthparents (aka parents of origin in the context of adoption), the catalyst culminates early. (Can catalyst culminate? I don’t know. You get my point.)
Birthparents like myself have to learn three things very quickly.
These three learnings are for all humans on the path to True Adulthood, letting go, freedom.
- Our children are not ours. They are their own.
- Letting go breaks your heart and simultaneously opens it up wide.
- Embracing paradox is freedom medicine.
The next time you are tempted to think one of your children (literal or metaphorical) is purely your own, I suggest stepping back. What if they are their own, the Earth’s, humanity’s, The Mysterious Something Larger’s? What if they need space to blossom into full bloom? What if—gasp—you can’t f**k up?!
The next time a letting go, an intrusive surrender, a grief plops down into your world, take a moment to notice what you Know… Your. Heart. Can. Open. This. Wide. It’s designed to.
Finally, paradox. There are times when we so know we need to let go, to surrender. But it can be so hard. If the above doesn’t do it for you, paradox may be your medicine.
For me, the most potent paradox embrace I’ve ever managed has been that of hugely regretting facets of my actions in the adoption journey and deeply, deeply holding that my daughter’s life is perfect, no question.
Paradox takes seeing through multiple lenses. Embracing paradox is an art.
Fortunately, opportunities abound, for those involved in adoption and, frankly, anyone involved in humanity.
I hope you’ll share yours.
To our freedom!
